If you're approaching divorce and worried about how your children will fare, you're not alone. It's one of the top concerns among divorcing parents, and understandably so. You want to protect them, and it's hard to know exactly how.

Here's the good news: studies show that what determines how children fare isn't whether their parents divorce - it's how. Children do better when conflict is lower and their parents cooperate, not when one parent "wins" and the other "loses."  High-conflict divorce put children at greater risk for academic, behavioral, and emotional difficulties. On the other hand, when both parents cooperate and stay involved, children show significantly better long-term adjustment.  

 

So what does this mean? It means that the way you divorce matters and will change the rest of your children's lives.

 

What is divorce mediation?
Divorce mediation is a facilitated process that takes place outside of court. Unlike litigation, which positions parents as adversaries and focuses on rehashing the past, mediation is more collaborative and future-focused. With the help of a trained, neutral mediator, parents talk through a detailed plan for the division of their marital assets, as well as a parenting plan.  Mediation allows for more flexible planning around everyone's current schedules, including school, work, extracurriculars, and medical appointments, rather than defaulting to a template court-ordered schedule. 

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What we work through together

• Division of marital property and finances, including bank accounts, investments, retirement accounts, debts, real estate, cars, and other valuables.

• A customized Tennessee Permanent Parenting Plan, including the day-to-day schedule, holidays, vacations, transportation and decision-making for your children; as well as child support based on a standard formula for child support called Tennessee's Income Shares Model.

• Other logistics and special situations that don't necessarily show up in court documents but affect your day-to-day life. 

• Alimony/spousal support, if applicable.

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How long does mediation take?

Each situation is different, and it depends on the complexity of your financial and co-parenting situations, as well as how willing each of you is to come to an agreement. Some mediated divorces can take 3-4 sessions over 3-6 months, depending on the items above, as well as everyone's availability. (Divorce without mediation can take 6-12 months or even years.) You may need time in between sessions to gather additional information or consult with legal, financial, or real estate professionals. In order for mediation to be productive and effective, both parents must be willing to be honest and forthcoming about documentation related to your marital property, so that a fair and equitable agreement can be reached. 

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Do I need to have an attorney?

​Divorce is a legal process, and you are encouraged to consult with an attorney to understand your legal rights, options, and actions you'll need to take through the court (generally the Circuit Court in Tennessee).  For mediation sessions specifically, whether or not you want your attorney to attend is up to you.  Download my free resource "Who Can Help Me With My Divorce?" to learn more about the different ways to engage an attorney, depending on your needs and budget.​

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Is mediation right for me?

Mediation works best when both spouses are willing to sit down and negotiate in good faith. It doesn't require you to agree on everything going in - just a willingness to work toward resolution together. If there's a significant power imbalance, a history of abuse, or if one spouse is unwilling to participate honestly, mediation may not be the right fit, and I'll tell you that directly. If you're not sure whether mediation is right for your situation, my free consultation is a no-pressure way to find out.

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What to expect 

As a Tennessee Rule 31 Listed mediator, I provide a neutral space where both spouses are heard fully before any agreement is reached. Nothing is decided for you, and nothing moves forward unless you both agree. By choosing mediation, you not only reduce your own stress levels, but you also protect your children and finances from the cost of conflict. You will be creating a better foundation for the rest of your lives.

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Ready to begin?

If you and your spouse want to handle your divorce with less conflict, more privacy, and a plan that gives you control over your own future, I'd be glad to talk with you about next steps.

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